Long Road Ahead

My focus, for the last 3 weeks, has been to do what I can do to try and bring feeling back into my hands and feet. 

Acupuncture twice a week seemed to help in the beginning, but now it seems to not make a difference. I notice an improvement for an hour or two, and then I am back to square one.

I was put on a different med, Lyrica, but I still don't know if it has made a difference.

I am eating more fruits and vegetables than I have EVER eaten...eating fish twice a week. No red meat.

I am taking several supplements that have been shown to help with peripheral neuropathy.

Yet, I still can't feel the damned things.

SO FRUSTRATING!!!

Late Friday afternoon, it seemed warmer than it was. The sun was out, and it was in the mid 20's. We decided to take the dogs to the dogpark for a little while. 

When getting out of the truck, Rizzo's leash slipped out of my (numb) hand. She thought she was being let loose in the fenced area, so she took off. For whatever reason, she wouldn't come when we called her. With Ron's back still being "out of commission", and my feet not cooperating, neither one of us could run after her. 

Talk about feeling helpless!

Fortunately, we were able to keep her in sight, and eventually she got cold and went to Ron. I can't tell you how many awful things went through my head, watching her run around this unfamiliar neighborhood. So scary...but I am so thankful it ended up ok. We have her back.  

This situation put my mind into a very big funk. I try to keep my head away from thinking what cancer has taken away from me by thinking about what I still have. This list isn't as long as I would like it to be, and it almost got shorter. Cancer almost took one of our "kids" away from us on Friday.

Yes, I am thankful it didn't, but it was a stark reminder of how far I have yet to go in recovering from being poisoned for 6 months. 

I want so bad to be able to have my old self back. I want to think it will come, but I question it at times. Cancer has changed me in so many ways, but there are some changes that are going to be hard to accept. I keep trying to tell myself to stay in today, not to think about the "whatifs"...so much easier said than done. 

I have to count on the fact that I have the ability to adapt. No matter what the outcome ends up being, I will be able to deal with it.