Number seven has proven to be an energy zapper, just like all the rest. The neuropathy has stayed the same, which is good. It's almost gone, 6 days post-infusion. Now if I could just get rid of this exhaustion...
Today, I have a CT scan and CEA test. I am hoping both come back normal.
Normal.
Oh, how it's definition has changed in six months.
Normal never used to include test results.
Normal used to include work hours and weekend plans.
Someday, it will again.
Until then, I have to accept "normal" for what it is, no matter how hard it is to accept.
It's my normal.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Saturday, October 13, 2012
41
Number six was a hard one. Sneaky. I came out of it thinking it was going to be easier, but then I hit a wall and slept for 3 days. I felt like a hibernating bear. Sleep. Eat. Sleep some more.
The neuropathy is getting worse...not sure if it is because it's colder outside (we had to turn on the heat for the first time this year) or if it's truly getting worse. If my hands or feet get slightly cold, they get tingly, and then feel like they are going to go into a cramp. Not painful, just debilitating. The "pre-cramp" feeling is followed by very slow reacting, almost like they are trying to work in thick mud. Definitely going to have to have gloves everywhere for winter.
With it being Breast Cancer Awareness month, I have been hearing/seeing a lot of cancer stories. The ones that hit me hardest are the ones of young mothers who are diagnosed with advanced stage cancer. How these women can find it in them to fight this nasty disease, AND be a mom, I can't fathom.
I do have a bit of a rant, regarding Breast Cancer and all the media exposure it receives. Please, don't get me wrong, I absolutely support breast cancer awareness. It is a horrible disease that affects/kills too many women.
What I don't support, is the "Save the Hooters" type campaigns. To me, this says, "Save the part that men like to look at, never mind the women they are attached to!" It is a slap in the face to anyone who is fighting/has fought the disease.
Please, be respectful, and acknowledge the person who suffers from the disease. A diagnosis of cancer does not change the person's worth or desire to be acknowledged as themselves. They have not been reduced to a body part, or lack thereof. They are still the person they were prior to being diagnosed.
Ok, rant complete.
The last day of my drug pump was my birthday. It was filled with mixed emotions...I was pissed at cancer for making me deal with chemo on my birthday, but felt lucky to be alive. I, again, thanked my now-absent gall bladder for acting up, and causing the CT scan that discovered the tumor. It felt good to put 40 to rest and christen 41 with optimism that it will go better than it's predecessor.
Now that I am on the upward swing, it's time to celebrate not only my birthday, but our 17th wedding anniversary as well. I am so lucky to have married my best friend, my soul mate We make a good team. I couldn't ask for a better man to go through this journey of life with. Seventeen years. Wow. To think, when my parents were so concerned about our age difference when we started dating, I said, "Geez, ma, don't worry about it. It's not like I'm gonna marry the guy!"
I guess I did. :-)
So, kiss my ass number six...you're history. Send over your friend, number seven...let's see what they've got.
The neuropathy is getting worse...not sure if it is because it's colder outside (we had to turn on the heat for the first time this year) or if it's truly getting worse. If my hands or feet get slightly cold, they get tingly, and then feel like they are going to go into a cramp. Not painful, just debilitating. The "pre-cramp" feeling is followed by very slow reacting, almost like they are trying to work in thick mud. Definitely going to have to have gloves everywhere for winter.
With it being Breast Cancer Awareness month, I have been hearing/seeing a lot of cancer stories. The ones that hit me hardest are the ones of young mothers who are diagnosed with advanced stage cancer. How these women can find it in them to fight this nasty disease, AND be a mom, I can't fathom.
I do have a bit of a rant, regarding Breast Cancer and all the media exposure it receives. Please, don't get me wrong, I absolutely support breast cancer awareness. It is a horrible disease that affects/kills too many women.
What I don't support, is the "Save the Hooters" type campaigns. To me, this says, "Save the part that men like to look at, never mind the women they are attached to!" It is a slap in the face to anyone who is fighting/has fought the disease.
Please, be respectful, and acknowledge the person who suffers from the disease. A diagnosis of cancer does not change the person's worth or desire to be acknowledged as themselves. They have not been reduced to a body part, or lack thereof. They are still the person they were prior to being diagnosed.
Ok, rant complete.
The last day of my drug pump was my birthday. It was filled with mixed emotions...I was pissed at cancer for making me deal with chemo on my birthday, but felt lucky to be alive. I, again, thanked my now-absent gall bladder for acting up, and causing the CT scan that discovered the tumor. It felt good to put 40 to rest and christen 41 with optimism that it will go better than it's predecessor.
Now that I am on the upward swing, it's time to celebrate not only my birthday, but our 17th wedding anniversary as well. I am so lucky to have married my best friend, my soul mate We make a good team. I couldn't ask for a better man to go through this journey of life with. Seventeen years. Wow. To think, when my parents were so concerned about our age difference when we started dating, I said, "Geez, ma, don't worry about it. It's not like I'm gonna marry the guy!"
I guess I did. :-)
So, kiss my ass number six...you're history. Send over your friend, number seven...let's see what they've got.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Almost Halfway There!
Another great weekend, weather-wise! We managed to get down to the river once, on Saturday, to do some fishing. We brought the dogs, and they loved it. Ron caught one fish, so our trip was "validated". I had fun watching Maverick want, so badly, to go fetch the bait Ron was casting to the fish. Rizzo was more interested in digging up smelly things.
I have been working really hard on keeping my mind in positive mode. These two days (the Monday and Tuesday before treatment) are always the worst. When I catch myself dreading things, I remind myself that after this one we are halfway there. I can and will do this. It is saving my life by killing the cancer cells.
I reread my blog from day one a couple of days ago. It was really a reality check of how lucky I am that my cancer was found. This stuff really had the plan of killing me. So sneaky, so silent. My liver was likely it's next target. That would have put me at Stage IV. There is no Stage V.
Wow. So close.
When you are in the depths of chemo, you have the tendency to forget the gratitude because you don't understand why you were chosen for this hell. You don't understand how anyone survived it. You hate the hell out of cancer, and become jealous of anyone who doesn't have it. You wonder why, with all our "smart human" brains, we can't cure this thing.
I have no answers, but I do have a new sense of gratitude and a new appreciation for what God has given me. He gave me a body strong enough to fight this thing. He gave me another chance.
I'm gonna run with it.
I have been working really hard on keeping my mind in positive mode. These two days (the Monday and Tuesday before treatment) are always the worst. When I catch myself dreading things, I remind myself that after this one we are halfway there. I can and will do this. It is saving my life by killing the cancer cells.
I reread my blog from day one a couple of days ago. It was really a reality check of how lucky I am that my cancer was found. This stuff really had the plan of killing me. So sneaky, so silent. My liver was likely it's next target. That would have put me at Stage IV. There is no Stage V.
Wow. So close.
When you are in the depths of chemo, you have the tendency to forget the gratitude because you don't understand why you were chosen for this hell. You don't understand how anyone survived it. You hate the hell out of cancer, and become jealous of anyone who doesn't have it. You wonder why, with all our "smart human" brains, we can't cure this thing.
I have no answers, but I do have a new sense of gratitude and a new appreciation for what God has given me. He gave me a body strong enough to fight this thing. He gave me another chance.
I'm gonna run with it.
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