Frustration

I am a month and four days chemo-free. When I was in the depths of chemo hell, I had envisioned this to be so much different than it is. I had imagined feeling a bit sluggish for awhile, but being back to "me" a lot quicker than I am getting there. My main issue is the lack of endurance, and the neuropathy. Stairs still leave me winded after one flight, and my feet are still numb and feel like they are going to pop after walking 10 or so paces. I swear, after walking through the grocery store, you could take off my shoes and see a big, inflated ball of a foot with little tiny toes poking out...but, they look normal. They just feel like...Fred Flintstone feet.

I am still going to acupuncture twice a week. I asked the acupucturist if I was being impatient. She said I should give it more time...like four more weeks...and then we will evaluate my progress. I have had some improvement...but I have a LONG way to go. We tried electric stimulus on the needles yesterday. It definitely woke things up, but it didn't last.

Part of me is scared this is permanent. I was told at the beginning of my treatments that the neuropathy could be. I can't think about that right now...too scary. I need to focus on today, and what good it has given me.

I have gotten used to the new eating regimen. I have found myself craving vegetables...unheard of in my "former life". We continue to experiment with new types of fish. So far, tuna steaks and swordfish are ones I would definitely eat again (especially swordfish!), and Mahi Mahi is on the menu for the weekend. Definitely a huge change in eating habits, for both of us. It feels good to have made the switch.

So, yes, I am frustrated, but I won't let it kick my butt. I need to keep doing what I am doing, and whatever the result ends up to be is what was meant to be. I don't have cancer anymore. I have to hang on to that.