Yesterday was a wonderful day. Well, for the most part. The hub had his long-overdue colonoscopy (he would have never of done it without my diagnosis happening). No issues! Wow, what a relief!
Then, as bedtime approached, my mind started going into dark places. The what-if's were so loud and obnoxious, I couldn't sleep. Nothing I did made them go away. Perhaps it was from the crash off of the "no issues" high from hubs's procedure, not sure. It just sucked.
This morning, I was in a funk. Instead of sitting on my butt wallowing in it, I chose to do some light housework. Dusting, putting things away, etc. The act of getting things done, although small, seemed to make me feel better.
My wonderful husband is so sweet. After I apologize for another "funk episode", his response: "Having ups and downs is to be expected with what you're going through. It's ok."
My bullheaded/ignorant response to that is, "Every other day?!?!"
Yeah, I guess that's what it's added up to. And, he's right. This isn't a small ordeal. Ups and downs are to be expected.
In a nutshell, I am mourning normalcy, and fearing what's next.
Fear makes the wolf look bigger.
*kicks self in ass*
I sometimes also am my worst enemy...hugs
ReplyDeleteAnd your hubby sounds wunderful, supportive!