Pathology results are in

The pathology results came in yesterday. The entire tumor was removed, we already knew it was cancerous. 14 lymph nodes were removed. Seven of them had cancer in them. My gall bladder had chronic inflammation, and appendicitis had begun from the cancer affecting the function of my colon. My cancer has been staged at a 3. 


Another sucker punch.


Yesterday, I spent most of the day in bed absorbing the news. I was hoping my lymph nodes were swollen due to my immune system trying to kick ass. Evidently it was...the cancer was just stronger. I cried a lot, then figured all it was going to do is give me a bad headache. And it did.


Passing along the news proved difficult. My mom just happened to be here when the call came in. I felt bad she was here when the news came, but was also relieved that she was. She took the news well, offered encouragement. She reminded me that my dad was stage 4 when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and he is now cancer-free. It was a reality check that this is the second time she has been through a cancer diagnosis in our immediate family. First my dad, now me. She is such a strong woman.


The hubby told his mom and all the kids, and they have all offered wonderful words of support, prayers and love. Friends and coworkers have sent the same. I am learning of people who have been in my shoes, with the same diagnosis, who are now cancer-free and thriving. These are things I need to hear...it stokes the fire in my spirit and makes me want to fight. If they can do it, I can do it.


So, today I am back up on my feet and ready to take it on. I need to focus on today, and what opportunity today offers in preparation for this fight. I need to be extremely conscious of my thoughts to keep my head out of the bad places. I need to focus on good. I need to focus on now.