It has been awhile since my last post...
It has been an emotional roller coaster since my cancer was staged. I go a couple of days wanting to kick ass, and then I fall down again. I guess this is to be expected. Yesterday was a tearful day...today, I'm a little better. No tears, yet. Fragile.
One thing that has been on my mind a lot has been my hair. If it starts falling out, should I cut it short? Should I just shave my head now? Part of me wants to dye it purple before I start chemo...just because I have always wanted purple hair. But, that could look like I was vying for attention. If I go bald, should I do a wig or a scarf? I would just do bald, but I know, under all this hair, lies a very ugly head.
Why is this such a dilemma for me? It's just fucking hair, right?
But, it's my hair! My pain in the ass hair! The hair that takes 45 minutes to dry in the morning! The hair that requires 6 different, expensive, hard-to-find products to style! The hair that fights me 360 days a year!
Ok, 362.
So, why will I miss it?
Because there is something inside me that says it makes me who I am.
Society put it there. It's my job to change it.
And, who knows...I have heard stories of people who have gone through chemo with no hair loss, read in journals that chemo for colon cancer can just cause thinning. We will see. My first appointment with the Oncologist is July 17. Hopefully I can get my head straight by then. If not, I guess we just go with it.
IT'S JUST FUCKING HAIR!
Right?
It is just hair. But it's not. With Aidan, it was a constant reminder that he had cancer. I think you should dye it some crazy color!! Who cares if people think you're doing it for attention? Those who love and know you, they'll know better than that. :)
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